Keeping Up With The Losers

 

               I was walking down the street and a person tapped me on the shoulder and asked, “Have you Applied?”

               I looked at him, and then I looked around myself to see where I was at.  I was walking past a book store and a grocery store.  I was going to the bus stop so I could get home.  I told him, “No.  Apparently, I am Ape Led.”

               He then said, “Oh!  So, it is your Ape that Lied.”

               And I told him, “I can easily see that you are not an Allied.”

               He snarled and said, “It may be E Silly for you.  I guess I need your pardon.  I am an Alien.”

               I then reached out my hand and said, “Well, let me introduce myself.  I am the Adam.”

               He grabbed my hand strongly and replied, “I see now!  You are just and Atom.”

               I agreed, “It sure is Icy Now.  And you see me as Atom Ick!”

               He said, “At least I am not the one in jail. I’m Great and Urine Carcerated.”

               I put on a frowning face, “ I’m the Grand One.   You just Grate on Me!”

               He looked at me, “You keep saying you’re appealing.”

I replied, “We all know you’re appalling.

He groaned, “You think you are revealing.”

I shook my head, “You sure are revolting.”

He yelled, “You keep stealing.”

I said, “You have a steel mouth.  Can’t you keep it shut?”

He answered, “I’m just concealing”

I said, “No you’re Not.  You are always clawing.”

He told me, “Okay.  Now I’m withdrawing.”

I said, “Let’s call this whole thing Daft.”

He barked at me, “You’re such a Schemer.”

I talked, “You will make my Dreams Viler.”

He called out, “You must want to be a President.   You’re another one Incarcerated.  Let’s call the Democracy Lost.”

As we were walking, I saw a sign that read, “Remember those who give their lives for this country.”

And it was a sign on a store whose owners keep telling us, “Elect the people who keep giving their lies to this country.”

I read it and told my non friend, “This whole world.  Every where I go.  It seems we are just in Ireland or Rhineland.”

He told me “They are both small areas of people ruled by a big group of Nazis that own their continents.”

I agreed. “Life sure is Impaling.”

He said, “I keep seeing a Furry Trim.”

I said, “The moon is Glowing.”

He said, “There is always a Mirror Showing.”

I agreed again, “Let’s call that Old King Kong.”

He started saying to me, “Geepers!”

And I asked him, “What are you saying to me, Kreeper?”

He gave me the question, “I want to know ‘Why do you keep getting so Creepier?’”

I told him, “Killers.”

He said, “That makes it Thrillers.”

Again, I asked him, “Why do you want to make me Die?”

He answered me, “I do it because I am one of the Church Heads.”

I asked him, “What kind of Church Head are you?”

He replied, “I am a Gory Mary Church Head.”

I told him, “Well, we don’t have to wait to see you Sin.”

He then stuck out his fingers and told me, “I am not Spock.  And I don’t like being Mocked.  But I really want to tell you to ‘Live lung with the proper air.’”

I reacted, “Did you mean that I can only have a ‘Live Lung with Purchased Air’?”

He said, “You keep getting ‘In My Hair!’”

I then asked him, “Do you remember when your neighbor played his bellows and you gave him more than a punch?”

He said, “That was at the store, or was it the White House.  Over the loud speaker they were blasting  ‘Clean Up On Liar 45.’”

I spat out to him, “Today we should honor the people that died for protecting our country.  The rest of the year we are ordered to honor that man with bone spurs.”

He began singing:

 

               “I’m an old cow hand

  I have a hoof that can.”

              

               I sang back:

 

“Have you heard of Bovine?

  You’re the herd that can .”

 

               He then said to me, “You don’t get it, do you?  Light is the absence of cold.  Matter is the absence of emptiness.  Life is the insistence of death.  Order is the absence of randomness.  Wet is the absence of arid.”

               And I told him, “You don’t get it?  I don’t get it!  Don’t you see?   I can’t get by in this world.  I can only move forward.  It is my job to bus tables.  It’s like you are my boss and you keep telling me that I don’t do it right.  That I should have all those plates out of there and run through the dish washer ten minutes before the people at that table finished their meal and got up and left.    Let us just break bread and eat the cheese.  But all you do is cut that cheese.  I asked you to ‘Let Us’ and you just treat me like Lettuce.”

And he bounced back, “Oh!  What mean things I have done!  I guess I am wrong.  I guess I was wrong at school.  I thought I had learned and understood,  instead I was just mimicked.”         

I reflected, “You’re the one who keeps telling me I am wrong.  I am wrong at home.  I am wrong at school.  I am wrong at work.  Don’t you see?  What I do does work.   What I do does not rob people.”

He then came back, “Well, according to you, I am wrong at church.  You’re the one that says I make mistakes.  Well, I realize I make mistakes, and you do not see that I learned how to exist with other people.”

I answered, “According to you, I am wrong day after day.  Hour after hour.  From when I wake up to when I go to sleep.  Wrong job.  I don’t support.  I don’t hate properly.  I am me and I am wrong.  I am just that air head.  Full of hot air.  You keep calling me ‘Fred Reeks’, ‘Knee Jerk’, ‘Man Spam’ and especially ‘Garbage Man.’”

                                         If you had fun reading this                                                                                                                             You might have fun                                                                                                                                       Reading some of THESE