Manager Or My Anger

 

               Okay!  I’m just a guy!  And to me, I am a Just Guy!  And although I do not own the store, where I work at, I am a Man so I call myself The Manager.  I sure wish I could manage more!  Before this, I applied at several places.  And that was ‘Applied’ and not ‘My Application Lied.’ 

               I interviewed at several Nationals.  (I don’t even remember which Nations.)  Then there was Jewel.  (Whoever buys at that store sure has to pay the price of Jewelry.)  While I was in the midst of things, I also got into the mist of things by applying with these missed awful things, and that was such as  Osco.  (Us go here.  Us go there.  Us go Us go Everywhere.)  There also was a Ben Franklin.  (There I must have Been Frank with that Clerk, I mean Jerk,  too long.)  I even tried Walmart.  (Everyone there acts like they are Up Against the Wallet you Redneck Mother.)

               So, or Sow, finally I got accepted at Bill Grins.  You remember their commercials: “Bills Don’t Annoy!  Bills Ain’t That Big!  Oh Boy!  Oh Boy!  It Sure Is A Joy!”

               I was interviewed  by Amber Chandies.  She was the local franchisee of this Bill Grins.  Even though I now think I manage the store, and I interview potential employees (and boy, some of them sure are potent all)  I have to go through the store’s state office to get the one’s hired paid.  The girl at the office I call is Miss DearPayChecks.  Her office is in PayTilVain Iowa.  She never answers her phone.  I always have to leave a recorded message.  When I call, her the device goes, “Miss DearPayChecks!  Oh we pay full.  From Fee to Binding Fee…”

               A customer came up to me the other day and said, “I’m told you are the Manager.  You must one of the least King Bongs!”

               I said, “One of my staff told me that  they leased you two Sing Songs!”

               He complained, “Why must you keep trying to get along wrong?”

               I answered, “I do what I need.  You’re the one that keeps prying with your alcohol and your bong!”

               He shouted and left, “You are always swinging that wrong gong!”

               I then said to the staff member following me, “King Bong! I wish I were in Hong Kong.

Then I would claim I’m King Kong.”

               And he agreed with me, “That guy sure smelled wrong.  And he always spells wrong.  Couldn’t he see how his ions swell wrong?”

               I said what I felt, “ Lord deck that fister who threatened me like he was Sonny Lister.”

               My staffer then said, “We’re sure bored regarding those twisters, who keep trying to prove we are so damned.”

               I told him, “The next time one of them comes along I’ve got to  start getting my fist ready to keep hitting them.  When they’re a burden, they should disband.  When they come in a bunch, I should make them my lunch.  I’ll just tell them to shush.  Then they’ll  go to the bush.  Some might claim they are ahead of my rivals.  But they  are just trying to behead my survivals.”

               My salesman then told me he had to get back on the floor.  To give me a goodbye he said, “May the long horned be with you.”

               To which I replied, “And also with gnus.”

 

               As he rounded up another customer, that got me to thinking:

 

                              “Road skulls for field trips

We

We

The number of we is so small  that there is only me

May this fist first hit you

And slam all of you.”

 

               At that moment the business owner had us play a recording over the speakers:

 

                              “But my snore will never sleep

 Unless I see you with something to pay.

 My snore is your snort. 

 In court. 

 Police Escort. 

 And you bums should try to buy a bunch those albums that I say are worth. 

 This will be harnessed

 And this is not in jest.

 Why not Just Buy Our Lead?”

 

               I wondered, “Am I in Rigor Mortis or does everyone here just have Pig Gourmet Toes?  That sure sounded like a real Rasp Song, not what the owner thinks is a Rap Song.  I just have to keep telling the customers to ‘Don’t forget that the door hit you in the butt or bulbs or whatevers and think of  this as a bus door so when it hits you imagine that you are Bus Door Kicked On.’”

               I sure would like to quicken  things up with Belt Conveyors.  Or, at least, combines and balers.

               But when I tried the salesman, Germanal Workhater, yelled, “I can do zat! I can do zat!”

               And I said, “Germanal Workhater, I’m sorry.  You must think you are a Captain.  Or maybe the Chaplain.  I never met a god before.”

Germanal Workhater smirked, “Perhaps you have heard of the Russian alcohol, Vodka?  If the liquid’s liqueur, drink it!”

Then another customer broke in, “Look at these coupons I brought with me.  10% off steak and ribs.  15% off chicken.  Then finally, 20% off my whole order.  And what do I get?  Chicken, instead of 6 ounces        for $5.99 I only get 5.1 ounce.  And I like Steak.  But, I pay for               12 ounces, $13.99.  What do I get?  10.8 ounces.  This $157.00 for a bag of groceries.  In it there is only half the eggs.  No bologna!   White bread instead of rye.   And water instead of soda!”

That’s when I realized that I have my own beliefs.  It must be that I am an United Masochist.  While I was trimming plants, I decided that I like my methods.  We can call ourselves United Mentalists.  No Honey!  That can’t Bee!  Well, when I have you trim a tree, you might eventually will realize you can trim a tomato plant this same way.  So, then oh, you’ll start trimming your other plants that way.  Then you’ll think you don’t need to work for me since you can grow your own food!  Stories with solutions, Help!  Instead, it is stories in solutions, in water!

For years this store had been selling all types of employees at Bach Rotten prices.  Since then, we have began renting contractors instead of selling them.  And now we are making bunch out of that.  Recently I also started selling a flag so you can claim, “Weep the People.”  And another couple banners I got have “We’ll fight if you stand!” and “I’ll shoot till you fall!”

              

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