Honeymooners in
Space
Universe 14,
Planet 48
48th Chapter of
the Stellar Bus
“You’re a peasant. Ooops! I Mean,
you are pleasant. Your world is pleasant. Hey! I am pleasant too!
“I am Ralph Kramden, the General,
the Commodore, the Captain, the Driver of this Space, the Final Renter of this
Star Bus. Remember, ‘The Use Us Us Extra
Times.’
“I’ve landed here to pick you up
and give you a gentle ride, an enjoyable endurement, a wonderful transportation
to wherever you want to go.
“And where you want to go. Where you have to go.
“Our first stop will be the Ethereal.
And this place is not objective.
It is an object. This is where
some of you will be ejected. I’ve read
on the map that it is Extremely Delicate and light shines in a way that seems
too perfect for this world.
“Then some of you will visit an
extremely Mellifluous Antiquark. And to
me that is a sound that is sweet and smooth, pleasing to hear. And I said, ‘To Me,’ not ‘Tummy!’
“Vinylly, I mean Finally, the rust
of you, I mean the rest of you will be dumped, I mean escorted, deported,
resorted to the Resort of Quixotic. That place is a well known Acceleron – exceedingly
idealistic for the unrealistic, or impractical.
“I hope you all get together
enthusiastically, riding up the cross walk to action into your seats, which can
extend back so you can rest. And some of
you have paid for cabin rooms to take you on your way.
“You seem like pleasant
creatures. There’s that family of
Sudoriferous Glands. And they are accompanied by their neighbor, Columnar
Epithelium. Mr. Neutron Star and his
work mate Magnetosphere Shield. We also
picked up Cosmic Ubiquity. I hope you
get along with Stream O. Plasma. There’s
that whole household of Mr. Accelerating Particle. And the Unwed, but not for long, Miss Faraday
Field Lines.
“This company, that keeps me space
coasting, is called the Omnibus Diverter, which is operated by some operators,
and I try to think that we enjoy working
for them, and that is again and their gain, if you ask ‘Huh.’ They are the United Field Hyperbolics fleet
of mass transportational devices.
Someone keeps sending spending patrons various materialized matters
across what is called various regions, solar and otherwise, where I call space,
it might be known to you as ‘The Outer Limits’
but that is the Limit of what I say and do.
“I am your driver, Ralph
Kramden. I drive you off the walls to
the many things we call structures. With me, lucky me or not, is Ed Norton, who plums
and washes, keeps the emotions along
with the gravity up. He once was
called a neighbor, but now I have
little idea of where he is at most of the time.
I hope you enjoy that your trip is joined with my wife Alice and my
partner, Mr. Norton’s wife, Trixie.
“If you can understand me, Welcome
Aboard.”
Ed then said to Ralph, as the
latest passengers were boarding, “Are you losing your magnitudinal footing?
Just tell them you’re the driver!”
Ralph replied, “I'm not driving
anybody crazy. You're just jealous, that's all. And you know why you're
jealous? Because you know that in this space, to you it is always tomorrow
night!”
Apricity, a passenger, asked,
“Now, tell me, sir, what do you do for a Driving?”
Ralph Kramden stammered to him “I
brive a dus.”
Apricity, “You bribe with dust?”
Ralph went on, “I astrodust my
drives.”
Apricity concluded, “You divide astro
dust? Oh, I see, you're a big bang driver. It that it?”
Then Ed tried to help Ralph out,
“Apricity, Tell me, have you discussed this in your home solar system? Have you
talked it over with your wife?”
Apricity said to Ed, “Yes I did, and regardless, I am going for
this $99,000 loss.”
Tittynope and Cattywampus askewed,
“If any of the Re Dwarfs ever get spectrum, it'll be your responsibilities to go and Venus with them.”
Alice commented, “Oh, that is a very important telementry,
Ralph. You better start now and find out what the spectroscopes are at
Bolometer.”
Trixie then said, “Like we say in
the solar equation, ‘Asteroids and Tides wait for no moon!’"
Ed
then said to Cattywampus, “I know just how you feel because I went through the
same thing two or three solar flares ago when I was in school, they
rocketed me off to teach me some sewer.
I felt just like a fish without clean water.”
Tittynope said his school fired
him from his moon, “Ol' Ed Norton,
reliable ol' Ed Norton, cycling 17 years in this solar quest. And now
everything's down the drain!”
Ralph did his commenting,
"What I SAY About Solar Eclipses Is One Thing; How I FEEL About Asteroids
Is Something Else!"
Cattywampus spoke finishingly, "Roche Limit My Yellow Dwarf? If I Keep
This up, I'll Lose My Old Azimuth!"
This made Alice to whisper to
Ralph, “ Spectrum ‘antidrakeequationism’.”
Ralph whispered back, “I'll sputnik it.”
Cattywampus pointed out to
Ralph, “You sure do sidereal it!”
Alice added, “Ralph! You sure do smell it! Too!”
Trixie went along and called out,
“Ralph! You’re are a background
radiation! A Real Racked And Ground Up
Radiation!”
Lining up and marching there came
this group of passengers: Petrichor,
Ethereal, Mellifluous, Kakorrhaphiophobia, D Eccrine, and the Cosmic Ubiquities,
and they looked, pointed, smiled, and sang to Ralph and Ed:
Okay,
Spectro Stellar
What
Ever’s Beamsplitter Blazar
The
Faculae’s not ours to Cepheid
Okay
Selenocentric Seyfert
What’s
Wilting is Languishing
.
Alice touched him on his shoulder
and said, “Ralph. See. You don’t need a Trip To The Moon!”
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