Imitate, Immediate, In Pyrite

 

I told Ted, “My parents just told me that we are going to Secondary School.  All my life, all my lives, I’ve only been going here.  I am not impute or immute.  I am not in a minute.  This is not my second.  And I’ve been here for several years.  Not for just a second.  I don’t want to succumb.”

Ted answered, “Wait!  Weight!  We are in Elementary School.”

That caused me to ask him, “And what Element is that?   Hydrogen is pretty small.  I have no Nickles.  I may be humorous at times but I am no Helium.  This place is pretty big.  I think it is an Elephantry School.  And it is definitely not very pretty here.  See her?  She is not pretty.”

Ted said, “When we were getting friendly at recess, I called her ‘Pretty.’”

I said, “I heard you.  I know you got cut off in your sentence.  You were calling her, ‘Pretty Ugly.’”

Ted changed the subject, “Remember when last year’s teacher told us ‘The Syllabus Expands’?”

I answered, “What she was talking about  was that we are getting more in our classrooms.  She told us that ‘This Silly Bus is going to Expand.’”

Then that kid that sits in back of me said, “I gotta told you that that Mind of yours is in your head.  In your head is the same as On your head.  You  must start going to Brade School.”

I turned around and told him that, “For every chicken bird turd, in every season herd weird, I will wear my umbrella to cover my head.“

That got me thinking.  Was I speaking in Pig Latin or was I just making a Pig Gladden?  I sure feel that I am one of those Big Nosed Pig Boys.  I keep getting Big Nos from everyone, all the time. My life sure keeps going from gags to witches, not rags to riches.  Like right now.  I’m in sixth grade.  I just had Geography Class.  That teacher had me stand up at the black board and asked me, “What would America do if it had to split up into individual nations?”  I said, “There soon will be five of them.  Michigan Nation…Eerie Nation…Huron Nation….Superior Nation…Ontario Nation.”

One of the other kids raised his hand and said, “You sure claim to be in the Superior Nation.  You are really in an Eerie Nation.  You put the rest of us in the Huron Nation.”

Then the kid sitting next to him said, “He named them for these Five Great Lakes.  And you keep claiming you have Five Senses.  You should be happy in any of your Five Senseless Nations.  And No.  Sniff.  Sniff.  You are definitely not in a Scentless Nation.  You can’t even afford to be in a Five Cent Nation.”

I pointed to him and told the class, “He’s Larry.”  Then I pointed to the teacher and said, “He’s Curly.”  And I told everyone, “I’m Moe.”

At that moment the recess bell rang.  We all ran out to the playground.  One of the girls from my class was telling her older sister, “…Icky Sneezy, Selfish and Sneaky.  That Tyrant got a lot more bleak.  He then went on to give us a moth ball speech.”

Her sister asked, “Is he a fiendish Tyrant?”

And Lisa, from my class, pointed to me and said, “Just look at his face. His nose has a Ferret Tooth.  Listen to how he speaks. His voice has a Parrot Tune.  He sure shows a lot of Rat Holes.  We call him ‘Nosferatu.’”

Lisa’s sister then asked, “Does he use us Mortals to Wrestle?  Or is he just More Tar to Pester?”  

Lisa then sang,

               “Weirds sure are off their rocks

  Like Birds who want to have flocks

  And planets just want to have suns

  Plants too just want to have suns.”

 

               Then I told Ted, “I’ve got to Meet Paper.”

               Ted asked, “Where?  Under Your Pants?”

               I said, “I am not Wearing any Under Pants.”

               Ted then said, “Do you think this is a Toilet?  You haven’t Told Me Yet.”

               I replied, “Butt Crack.”

               Ted then looked at the sheets, “That’s sure funny.  Look at those Marks Bothers.”

               I said, “We still haven’t come to the time when The Three Stooges meet the Three Stupids.”

 

               And then it happened.

               Time did not stand still.

               Time was drinking from a still.

               Time flew forward.

               We sure got a lot of flue.

 

               We endured.

               I got even more endured.

               I grew up.

               We grew up.

               And we all grew into stuff much worse.

 

               Adult Ted now said, “Moe Howard.  Larry Fine.  And Shemp Howard meet Don Senior, Don Junior, and Jared Kushner.”

               I agreed, “It’s sure become Rouge and Hardly.”

 

               That was when my fellow workers, livers, and linkers began to sing:

 

With his lies

We are being leaded by a stump

Democracy’s good by

It was bought by Donald Trump

King Rump

Frumpy Trump

 

He should be in the slammy

He loves his daughter’s jammies

 

When our folks went a voting,

We never thought we'd see

A president so loathing

As this criminal thing

King Rump

Frumpy Trump

 

Business owners lied

To take over every thing

Putin sent his spies

To make our lives stink

King Rump

Frumpy Trump

 

               And Ted told me, “We are now being run by ‘MANLGA.’”

               I asked him, “’MANLGA’ what’s that?”

               And he answered:

              

                              Make

American

Nazis

Let

Go

Again

 

               Then I sang,      “Oh, he's a right winger felon

With his mind, he thinks like a melon

For Putin he does all his Selling

He’s such a folly we can’t rely.”

 

Think about those Republicans.  This guy is not their leader.  He is not a leader of any sort.  But he is the latest parade balloon rallying this group of selfish bullies.  

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