Honeymooners in
Space
Universe 13,
Planet 38
38th Chapter of
the Stellar Bus
Ralph talked over the hand held
speaker, “You are welcomed onto the Space Bus.
This Space Bus! We Came here and
We feel you are Well, so you are WelComed.
Or is that WelConed?
Whatever. Where we have landed is
made of Ice and Dust and Rocky Debris.
You may have been formed by your solar system’s creation several billion
years ago. I was informed. Do you even know what a year is?
A year on Earth, my Earth, is 365 days.
A year on Venus is 225 days. A
year on Pluto is 248 days. But then you
might ask, ‘What is a day?’
“Well, a day on Pluto is 153
hours long. That’s my hours. Which might not be ‘Ours.’ A day on Saturn is 10 hours, 33 minutes, and
38 seconds long. You claim you are so
classy. To me you are Seconds
Class. Boy, that Saturn Turns fast, even
when it is Sitting down. A day on Mars
is 24 hours, 37 minutes, and 22 seconds long.
Daisy Shmazy.
“After you are wonderfully
entered into my Space Bus, you will enlighten yourselves to your seats and/or
sleeping rooms. I know life is full of
Romance, and, thanks to my working pal, Ed, I like to believe that he has
removed your Room Ants. After a period
of three thousand and fifty six nano seconds you will, would, or could be
departing onto the Soho Solar Ice Rink at the Vehinicimo Star Cluster’s Seventh
Station. Ed told me that it sure takes a
lot of work to be my pal.
“Have a good ride as my
vehicular’s group of Omnibus Diverter operators who work for the United Field
Hyperbolics fleet of mass transportational devices, which includes me, Ralph
Kramden, no I am not crammed in, and Edward Norton, not he is not a jailor’s
Ward’s North Son, my wife, Alice, no she is not a lice, and she claims she does
not lie, then there is Ed’s wife, Trixie, and yes, she is very Tricky. I would watch out for her, if I had the time,
so I guess that is where my watch left.
“Welcome aboard.”
Those Aged Ice citizens made it
up the moving step machine to their seats and rooms on Ralph Kramden’s
bus. There was Icy Moon followed with
his uncle, Ganymede Jupiter. Kuiper Belt
boarded next. He’s the Do Things Nutty
guy that left Neptune’s orbit and claimed his home was both Pluto and Arrokoth. Ed Norton shouted about him, “It’s not
Pluto! It’s Goofy! And so is he!”
Cuddled in their refrigious
formations entered Ice Grains, Interstellar
Meditators, a bunch of Negative Forty Two
Degrees foreignheights and someone’s buddy with the same first name, Negative. Negative is his family name. Him and two hundred and sixty three degrees of
Celsius followers.
Alice spoke into the ear of Ralph
while pointing to the loading aisle, “These Temples of Ice sure have their Religions
of 10 Ks. I see, not Icy, many who
believe that their Molecules allow collisions
with grains, reigns, and other brains, all claiming to form their books, their Uni Verses, which, not witch, claim various
abundances of nitrites, ketones and one’s Aunt Ester called out ‘You Carbonyl Sulfide!
You!’”
Trixie then added, “I heard that
their composition of Ice definitely does act like many samples of ice materials
we had on Earth. When Earth still
existed. Earth is what we exited. I wish Earth was what we excited.”
Ralph Kramden counted out loud, two
thousand customers, and shouted, “Alice!
That's big, big, big! This is probably the biggest number that ever got into
us!”
Alice
replied, “The biggest thing you ever got
into was your pants.”
Ralph
then said to Ed, “We start out at 200 degrees Celsius. We were made to go down 2000. And we don’t have to spend gas to heat up
1800. We can't lose.”
Ed
laughed and replied, “Can't lose, huh?
That's what you said when you bought the parking lot next to where cosmic
debris was building up. You thought that
was building an International Space
Station there. You said, ‘People going to the Moonies have got to have a place
to park their Carbonates.’"
Ralph
growled, “How did I know they were
building a dried ice eater?”
That’s
when Ralph declared, “If any of the Space Moon colonies ever get thick, it'll
be my responsibility to go and visit them.”
Alice
smirked and said, “Oh, that is a very important responsibility, Ralph. You
better start now and find out what the viewing Aurora Borealis are at Bellevue. You sure are Boring This Alice.”
Ralph
shouted, “That did it, Alice - You did it. You have just broken this space
capsule's back with that straw. You have ridiculed my bothered Moons. You have
just made fun of something very big that's close to my heart.”
Alice
falsely whispered, “The only thing big that's as big as you claim as your heart
is your stomach.”
Ralph
went on, “I have - I've got an exploration. A perfect cone. I'm a space dome. Not a Sun-of-the-Earth
dome. Call me the solar system’s champ.
I sure am a solar system’s cramp. For
years I've been talking for granted the most wonderful thing that has ever orbited
me - you. I've never shown you the appreciation you deserve, Alice. You could
walk outta that door right now and I wouldn't blame you. You deserve something
better than me. There are a million guys who'd give you anything if they could
have a girl like you.”
Alice
then said, “Ralph, I don't want to walk out a million miles out into space.
There's just one guy I want to walk out of that space ship door there. You.”
Ralph
smiled, “Baby, you're the greatest.”
Ralph
then said to Ed, “You know, when I caught this Saturn Ring, the light told me
it's all handmade, you know. It's 2,000 matches meteorited together.”
Ed
snorted, “Oh.”
Ralph
continued, “Look at that Spark. And he said it was made from a Cross the
Ganymede. In its large salt water ocean.
You know, I thought he was kidding me, but right in my mind, it says, ‘Made in
Japan’.”
Ed
looked at him and asked, “Made in Japan or Maiden Spam?”
Ralph
said, “ I'm telling you, this is something! That girl would not go out and buy for
herself.”
Ed
erupted, “You can say that again. And another thing about this, the telescopes sold
me with this only one of these in the whole bunch of universes. That
one without time. This was in the Oort Cloud of the Emperor of Jovian.
It was smuggled into this Heliosphere.”
Trixie
then laughed, “You, Edward L. Norton, Ranger Third Class in the Captain Video
Ranger Academy, do solemnly asteroid edge to the transorbital Zombies and Sabians, to be kind to distant
minor planets and old ladies in and out in space, do not to tease my little
bothers and slithers and to brusk your sublunar twice a day and drink neutrinos
after every dwarf galaxy.”
Which
caused Ed to say to Ralph, “Well, let's face it, Ralph. You're not the easiest nebular
in the world to gravitate for, you know? It's pretty tough to get a guy perihelion
that, well, a guy that's got itokawa.”
Alice
then interrupted, “Ralph’s fellow bus driver, Philae, revealed that the
presence of large amount of water ice on the comet
67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko. He stated
that ‘The weight lifting strength of the Ice Founder Layer had dusted off his
first landing site.’”
Ralph
was surprisingly high. Alice ended with
“Oh, I don't know, Ralph. I've been thinking of giving you something! Some people call it, Optical Technology. They think it is set to transform
communication from Earth orbit and beyond, although problems on the ground
still need ironing out. What it really
is is a Space Laser. And you may get it
real soon!”
I enjoyed writing this I hope you enjoy reading this I also hope you will enjoy reading THESE
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