Honeymooners in
Space
Universe 12,
Planet 37
37th Chapter of
the Stellar Bus
Ralph is pressing buttons on his
carriable remote control panel, it replaces his dead wrist watch. There is a conjugal collection of
space-oides, star-bursts, and helium-snaps vibrating in what he’s viewing at
his current landing area. While doing
this, Ed came walking down the back stairs with a broom in his hand and plastic
board in order to look like he’s cleaning up, so they can allow the latest
paying customers to enter their star ship.
After paying attention to a beep from his hand held viewing screen, Ralph nudged his
other elbow into Ed’s head and told him, “Those are not garbage, they are also
not fall out from paraders, or from a pair of raiders who might be my paradise
aiders, and at least not a pair of dice trailers, but they are definitely not puffs
out of razors. They are our paid
riders!”
Ed looked at them, and whispered
to Ralph, “You get paid for one thing. I
thought I got paid for something else.”
Ralph bit his lips and smiled,
pressing the speaking button in order to emit into the speakers over to the
audience, “We welcome you to these motions through space. Motions, emotions, demotions. Space is, was, and are where and what we
exist in. You are not exiting it. You
are entering in. And my wife and my
worker’s wife are entertaining.
“I am here for you to get onto
our bus. It is not that I see. I am also not icy. But, for me, this is a Black Hole. And we are boarding you Event Horizons. Along with you, we are also transporting
several Singularities. And we keep giving
access and regressive regrets to you Accretion Disks.
“Those that can, take the moving
stairs up to our comfortable cabins. If
you are in a can, we will drop you off here, there, and everywhere. Be careful what you hear, the universe will
tear, as all of you get transported in our usable stalls.
“We will depart this port in a
portion of a dynominute. That is Dyno,
not Dino. Ed may Stink but we are not
Extinct. This is a solar express to an
unrelated son, not my sun, in some neighboring galaxy, somewhere. You will be attracted and subtracted and
subdigated, as we go along. Air here,
dust there, passengers and gas engineers everywhere.
“We hope you have a pleasant
ride. Not a riot!”
Ralph then walked towards his
commanding desk because he did not want to be seen not understanding the
difference between elemental matter and paid passengers. Ed poked him in the lower back and tried to
explain, “So compressed are those Electrons that they got squashed into protons
and became neutrons. These Objects are not objectionable. Many are so dense because the space between
electrons and their nucleus had been compressed out existence.”
Ralph replied, “Last week you
told me that a planet was a bunch of ball point pens. And those creatures on that pickup planet got
ballooned into Gas Creatures. That is
why I expected this afternoon to drive to a planet of Ballooned Dust, and load
my ticketed customers of Ballooned Sand.”
Ed Norton smiled and said, “Ballooned
Sand? Entombed Band! Ball Room Dancing!!! Well, let's space it, Ralph. You're not the spaciest
guy around a world to stop for, you know? It's pretty tough to understand that
a guy, something, and, well, a guy that's not anything, usually lives in a
Black Hole. Black Holes force
attractions so much that there isn’t just one Guy. There are millions of Guys, and that’s how We
make our living.”
Trixie popped in and said,
“Didn’t you Guys know that gravity was too great for there to be ‘Elements, not
Elephants?’ That is atoms or molecules,
inside or near the surface of a Black Hole.
Ed, just sweep them up and Ralph can pretend to drive the ship.”
Ralph then looked at Trixie and
asked, “What are those three main elements in our Sun?”
Trixie snickered and said, “Hydrogen,
about 70%, then He Leyon, about 28%. And those other guys are Carbon, Nitrogen
and Oxygen, they make up 1.5%. Here and
there, pick up those other 0.5% make ups
of small amounts of many other elements such as Mr. Neon, Miss Iron, Sir Silicon, Mama Magnesium and Surfing
Sulfur.”
What was left of a Carbon Atom
knocked on Ralph’s door and shouted, “Where are those three man elements from
Saturn?”
Alice smiled and replied,
“Saturn! Saturn! Saturn is occupied by maids mostly called Hi you Dro gents and Hell
I Am. Helium is not a ‘He.’ And Hydrogen will not say ‘Hi’ to you. Saturn's center is a dense core of Unmarried
Metals who like Iron and Nickel.”
Trixie then added, “What you
should be playing football with are the three main elements in Earth. In terms of quality, Adam Atoms. Then the air kicker, Oxygenoa. Some say a good player is Sneaky Con. And he looks light but he is strong, Al Luminum. Just cross the border. If you go to a crass
mass, Iron is the most abundant elemental on Earth.”
Car Bonicus then asked, “I want
to play good and win. Who are the three main
elements in Man?”
Alice answered, “I wouldn’t say
main, but the three most common elements in their mane so they look like they
have human bodies are Ollie, Karl, and Sedgwick.”
Ralph then shouted, “I thought
the Dune thriller said, ‘Surround Sir Sand. Have your slave work done by Quartz for Rocky.”
Then down the aisle came a bunch
of meteors, Fes and Nis, and a foaming Iron-Nickel allegiance, containing
significant amounts of Combustions. Odder trace Elements marching forth included Cobalt,
Chromium, Gold, Platinum, Irritating Iridium, and Tommy Toung Tungsten. They were forcing their weights to their paid
for suites. That was sure sweet, not
sour sweat.
Alice then said, “These humane
brains are families of the Carbons, and Oxygeniuses, and Hydrogenuities, and a
few Nitrogrunts. These are flying to the place where we are worn, and sworn
that they can work at building blocks of
the Pro and Aunty Teens. Those fatsos, and their Carbon Sidemates think they form
many Brain Issues. Toilet Papers are
their Issue’s Tissues. They put up with Mr.
Carbon being the most strudel structural element so they think they build several
bases for their bosses, the Ironic
molecules in charge.”
Trixie agreed, “It looks like a
seminar sent to earth to work too close
for sure. They just pitch and hammer. You hear a ring of large ‘sarsen’ stones constantly
forming an outer circle, then that inner horseshoe-shaped arrangement of larger
sarsen stones will get hammered out in trilithons, and many a smaller inner
circle of ‘bluestones’ will come from Space Holes.”
Ralph went along with the hole
thing, “You are so Gneiss. I wood not
take you for Granite.”
Alice smiled and said to Ralph,
“Just keep Rocking me to sleet.”
Trixie then whispered to Ed, “You’re the Rock King of this Universe.”
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