Honeymooners in
Space
Universe 12,
Planet 34
34th Chapter of
the Stellar Bus
When the crowd reached the ship’s
Coach Door that person, Ralph, who was loaded, kept going in. Ralph picked up his microphone and talked to
the resting and waiting (and some waling) passengers:
“Good motoring, good morbiding,
good mortuaritying. And for those of you
with something that looks like a head, good perching. I’d like to reason that what I say is for
working to making your lives a little matter and, on the street, not much of a
smatter. But I have difficulties reasoning
anywhere, especially with myself. So,
what appears to you that are a factory’s work forcing lifts and sludges, that is
your entrance into my space bus. And I
will take you, and I do mean take you. I
will take you hear. I will take you
dare. I will take you Any Where!
“You may claim you are Space
Pirates. Space Pile Ups. Or even Space Pie Rust. We will treat you like all. And you are a treat for us. So, I’ll let you retreat. These Altitudes. Those Positronic Thumps. Any of that Hering which is really a star
mistaken for an asteroid.
“Please enter using our walking
steps. There may be a surveyor belt, but we really belt survivors,
so avail your wishes for an elevator. You may now start imaging yourselves as the
King of the Thrown, but you are really a bunch of throw ups. Welcome aboard. Whether you are bored or not.
”We
will take off in a million militant seconds and land in a galaxy far far away.”
Ralph
then walked back to what he called ‘My Pilot Seat’ (but what his friends and
family call ‘His Pile It On Seat’) and he laughed out at the window. Ed went back to flushing a few toilets in
order that Ralph thought Ed was working.
Riding
the conveyor belt, all those crank shafts brought themselves together to their
seats, their cabins, their snuggling (or is that struggling?) areas where those inhabitants of these inhibited
crunches of rock in this star cluster, in this cluster that those so called
people, those Arms Less Strong and various John Plugged Up Agains, Yurin Gagged
Agains Against Again And Aging, along
with all those other things were being dropped off from those bunches of spaced out shuttles.
Those
piles of leftovers, cyclically and sickishly grew into Artist Physically
Intelligent Beings. There were a bunch
of the bulbs that lit up as heads. Some
of those piles of switches swished all over the place. Then there were several groups of Gears that Crunched
across various Metallic Celluloids to make their way up into various
Astro Nuts and began rovering the
paths of many of Extraterrestrial (and Extra Terrorist Trial) Cosmicollogies.
Ralph
wondered out loud “Are they Electronic
Cords?”
Ed
answered, “ Of course. And they are very coarse too!”
Alice added, “You are Off Course,
as usual.”
Ralph
Kramden then had steered them to this planet of Light Bulbs. These beings kept boarding his bus, and they
were not just Light Bulbs. They were
also Switches, Electronic Cords, Nails, Pliers.
Hinges here, Hinges there, Hinges Hinges everywhere. Going upwards, Ralph’s escalator got filled with Drill Bits, Bolts, Nozzles,
Gauges, Anchors, and Washers among other things.
While
watching, Ed said, “Ralph. You must feel
quite at home here. Another Nut among
all these Nuts.”
While
various gears prodded along their ways Trixie asked Ed, “How did all these
mechanical things get to act alive?”
Ed
said, “Well, back in the 1990’s computer programs used to take readings and
allowed users to type in information to the systems and they were programmed to
make suggestions from the tabled lists of possible ways to go or possible
actions to make temporary moves. That
was just what every programmer had to make what he will be running do. After a while, the owners of the companies
that built various mechanisms started calling it Artificial Intelligence.”
Ralph
agreed, “After a while there was not much Real Intelligence in our various
communities that they must have changed their minds and not called it
‘Artificial’ anymore.”
Ed
went on, “Talk about all that learning.
That reminded me of back in High School.
All the other students in my class always wanted act like their Math’s
Got. I never got too.”
Ralph
said, “The same stuff happened to me. In
one of my classes I just caved in because, with all of my work, I only could
get my Spelling Flunking.”
That
went on and on. After dinner, Ralph said
to Alice, “This load is really disgusting.
Here a Light. There a Light. Everywhere a Light, Light! And it is no delight for me. I mean, see those where they are three way Bulbs. How disgusting can you be.”
Alice
said, “Ralph, you’re pretty disgusting yourself. Don’t complain.”
Alice
and Trixie then walked off.
Alice
whispered to her friend, “Last night Ralphie said to me that he will never
sleep unless he has something to say.”
Trixie
then laughingly replied, “Does he realize that, with him, a snore is a snort?”
Alice,
“Of course. How coarse.”
Trixie
carried on, “And he sure always talks through his nose as his course.”
Alice,
“ He always makes me remorse as my chores.
He’s sure a sleepy head.”
Trixie
then looked at her, “ I had hoped that you were going to say, ‘I guess his CPAP
did work because he’s always asleep and every where’s a bed.’”
That’s
when a group of wires with buttons and
gears shooed by them. You could hear
those circuits saying, “ Memorizing!”
As
others called out, “Members Sizing!”
Then
a bunch of Bolts went, “Mentor Rising!”
Instead
of complaining, since there is no ‘Day’ in
space, at the end of the ‘Say’ Alice said, “Hey Ralphie! Ralphie!
I want you to avoid those meteoroids that I see. Remember, the moon flew over those cow moos.”
To
which Ralph replied, “That little rocket launched. You can see it through this port.”
While
Trixie added, “And that eclipse stopped our view of the moon.”
Which
caused Ed to ask them, “Was that Star Port or Star Board.”
So,
Ralph answered “The Star Board is where people from these Stars Board.”
And
Trixie ended, “So those asteroids will fly away very soon.”
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