Honeymooners in
Space
Universe 12,
Planet 33
33rd
Chapter of the Stellar Bus
As Ralph and Ed lined up in order
to land their Gothic Space Bus, Ralph was steering while Ed was using his binoculars to
view the customers who will be boarding their transport. As they were landing
Ed handed Ralph the binoculars and said, “Look at all those statues down
there.”
Ralph stared and said,
“Yeah! There is almost the same number
of statues as the people who will carry them.
I don’t know where they are but our bosses said ‘They Paid!’ So, we gotta wait for them.”
Ed took a reading once the ground
was connected to their landing gear and said, “There’s about two hundred and
fifty copper statues of things with two, four, and six arms. About Forty-Three and Seventy-Five hundreds
of a ton of them!”
Ralph, “Well, I wish they’d hurry
up and start carrying. I just want to
go. I’ve never been impressed with this
Lithospheric Magnesium Carbon TriOxide planet.”
Ed, “Some people call it the
Tetravalent. Or some sort of Tets with a
lot of Valence. That last guy in the
john I was cleaning said it was the Fullernes.
Of course, I thought he was still Full Of Ness.”
Ralph, “Well, my boss told me to
go here.”
Ed, “I thought he said, ‘Go
Hear!’”
Ralph, “Yeah! That’s why we flew through the Echo
Gnome. I had to turn us around all those
Space Sonar Flares. At last, I was able
to Echo Land.”
Ed, “You said ‘There! That’s the Asteroid that is our goal!’”
Ralph, “I said it was our goal
all right. But I said it was ‘Aster
Noise’ A very Stern Noise!”
It was a long wait. Ed took a breath and began counting, “One,
Two Three.”
Then
Ralph asked, “You Want To Tree?”
After a while, Ed finished, “No! Once Truce Threat.”
Then Ralph said, “OK! Let’s start getting these statues on board!”
Ed carried two of them to their
ship’s escalator. Ralph tried to lift
another two but ended up dragging the smaller one of those over two-hundred to
their ship’s conveyor. He dropped it as the
machine started moving upstairs. Ralph
stepped to the side when he saw the Copper Man starting to move. The Man thanked Ralph and said he didn’t know
who or where to go and was happy that Ralph showed him how to get on.
When they reached the Coach Door
that person Ralph was loading kept walking in, after he left was when Ralph
picked up his microphone and talked to the rest of the waiting (and weighted)
passengers:
“Good evincing, good oolitic,
good undergrounding. And for those of
you with something coating around your heads, good pendant enhancing. I’d like to say that my reason for working is
making certain you are safe and comfortable and you get to where you want to
go. That’s what I’d like to say but I
can’t. I hope this is where you want to glow. To be quite honest, I glow when I get to make
the money. I should be quiet honest. And I don’t mean digging up the gold. That is too much work. I mean to look like I’m doing something and
have my boss give me the money for what it looked like I was doing. This isn’t the time to be in a nest with anybody. But it appears that you are all Copper Atom
particles so you did not appear to be any body near me. The altitude of your mesa had reached an opriating
three-hundred and sixty-eight degrees to the absolving of cobalated electrons. And boy do I enjoy my gobbling. With that altitude, when we reach the eleven
to the positive five thousandths or so, we will exit somewhere. Or some hair.
Or at least some air. Or was that
‘Excrement somewhere?’ Anyway, the
farther should be sometime, one time is incremented.
“Please enter using our walking
steps. This conveyor belt is also available for those whose wish for an
elevator, or to be thrown aboard.
“I’d like to welcome you from Tetravalent. After our usual sliced curve of time and
space the Axiom will bring us to your requested Binary Hydride. We are planning the landing you want on the
Anaerobic Rocks in three quarters of a light-month. That is where they are expecting you. You are welcome to their Azane Continent and will have a second
stop at Pnictogen Hydride. As my friends
say, Ammonium is as Ammonium does.
“Since we now got that all
straightened out, you may call me Ralph.
I am your independent driver of this group of Omnibus Diverter operators
working for the United Field Hyperbolics fleet of mass transportational devices. Earlier a couple of you had been assisted by
my buddy Ed. You may have even seen me
talking to Ed Norton, whom many of you have never met, his wife Trixie, and my
wife, Alice. And that is Alice, not A
Lice, however, at times, I feel she is a bunch of lies. I sure try to join her.
“Welcome.”
As the customers boarded Ralph’s
flight craft, Ed says to Ralph, “Copper is what their suits are made of. I see that they contain powdered lead and
aluminum and gold and silver and iron.
Some of those are radioactive elements.
None of the insides are copper, because they make their homes and
protective clothes with copper. Just
like us humans. We wear the skins of
cows but we don’t wear our neighbors. Or
at least we do not admit it. Copper also
could have been another intelligent alien life that used to start fights with these aliens.”
Ralph answered, “I see that. It looks like they breath out of those copper cans of helium
and hydrogen and nitrogen and carbon
dioxide copper that they carry.”
Ed went following some Coppers
lined up in the hallway until he realized that those were the tubings for his
bathrooms. Trixie noticed him and said,
“A timeless scream is a mindless machine.
Let’s handle this as us Honeymooners in space. Sure, their Planet is of metals. I’ll bet their Rusts grow as they grow older. You’re pretty Rusty yourself. And to me that is Pretty. But, as in anywhere, Mixed Races, which
appear as Mixed Metals, sure are stronger.
And I bet their Radioactivities fight each other.”
Ed then asked, “Trixie, was that
Polify? Political Fiction? Sometimes, what you really do is Buy Fi. What you Buy is Fiction.”
Trixie replied, “Ed, you are
sounding like Ralph. I hear you say ‘Our
commands make us bestest.’ But what Ralph makes us the ones left out. He just walks like he is full of gout. All our tasks make him open his mouth.”
Ed agreed, “We do it for pay.”
Then some Technetium walked by
and told them ,” Heart is made with Heat.”
One of the Radiums joined in and
said, “Mister we could use a man who’s a two bit trubidor again.”
The Actinium replied, “By by this
here awakening lie.”
And Thorium said, “Gee our old
last call was great.”
Autunite pointed to Ralph and
told his friend, “He Brives a Dus…He Dus Says A Brive.”
That caused Brannerite to state,
“He’s just trying to recapture his youth!”
Ca-notite said, “If he keeps that
up, he’ll lose his old age!”
Monazite whispered, “If any of
the Hue Moons get sick, it'll be our responsibility to go and exit them.”
Bromine and Mercury then said, “Oh,
that is a very important responsibility, Monazite.”
Then one smashed his copper fist
into another one’s back. That started
copper kicking in the head or copper throwing down the stairs. In the middle of all the ragged copper there
were piles of Chrysocolla dust mixed with Kyanite and Gabro in their little
tetrahedrons. Hematite here. Mafic there. A bunch of Plagioclase. And the surrounding Bauxites and Gibbsites
and or course, Boehmite.
Alice tapped Ralph on the
shoulder as he was looking, and said to him, “In and Out?”
Ralph
replied, “No! I’m In A Doubt.”
That’s
when Alice explained to Ralph, “Those Copper suits and Copper bottles are the
real intelligent beings on that planet.
They planned and factorized what they felt seemed like ‘living beings’
in order to farm them into something they could transport and sell. A lot of their past was to breed different
metallic dusts that we are bringing now to that watery planet where they can
sell.”
To which
Ralph replies, “You are right, Alice.
All Really Right!”
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