Honeymooners in
Space
Universe 14,
Planet 47
47th Chapter of
the Stellar Bus
“I recently landed in this Valles
Marineris. Valles Marineris. Valles Marineris! So, You Came to Valles Marineris to Me! The Colossal Canyon on Mars! The Arean of Antares. And as you guys come on board, and please
don’t be bored, card board, cart beard, or otherwise, and I’m the wise one, the
one who won, and in this space bus, you’ll be flung. All you guys and gals. And Gallons of you. Mr.
Fructose and Ms Glucose. Along with your neighbors, the Potassiums. And don’t forget those friendly Ferrums. I am picking up all of you Phenolic
Compounds. You sure are sweet
together. And to think, they call me,
Ralph and Alice and Ed and Trixie, ‘The Honeymooners!’ Well, you sure try to be Sweet as I drive
you, and that is not ‘hive you’, and not just off the wall but to the various
Moons orbiting Jupiter. I’ll drop you
off at Metis and you will ooze and drip and drop all the way to Harpalyke.
“And I won’t intentionally pitch
you into a hamper. If you stink, you
stink up into your own nose. I wouldn’t
try to smell you anywhere; I have enough trouble trying to put up with myself.
“I’ve loaded Robots and Talc Knots
and All Slots of Paid Cots so don’t believe that You are Unknown to Me. Martian Bees are now suppose to pay up for
you. This buy cycle chain will forklift
you to your paid for seats and sleeping walled in areas along the length of
this space bus.
“This company, that I claim is
happy to pay me, is called the Omnibus Diverter, with a bunch of their
operators, and they sure act like we enjoy working for them, and that is again
and again, if you ask ‘When.’ They are
the United Field Hyperbolics fleet of mass transportational devices. Someone keeps sending spending patrons and
various materialized matters across what is called various regions, solar and
otherwise, where I call space, it might be known to you as ‘Outer Space’ as you can be out and still.
“I am your driver, Ralph
Kramden. I bolt you along to the moons
and these many moons, with apparent partner here, Ed Norton, who unplugs
toilets if he keeps up. He once was
called an Astro Physician, or maybe he
orbited his own graveness less than your gravity. In case, or in your chase, you think you are flew by doubles, your flues
are joined with my wife Alice and Odd Eddie’s wife, Trixie.
“Since you can afford, Welcome
Aboard.”
Ed then poked Ralph in his giant
ribs and said "Duality is not a story. Duality is just a complexity."
Alice whispered, “Life, like poker
has an element of risk. It shouldn't be avoided. It should be faced."
That caused one of the thinking
being beings loaded from the Red Planet’s hives to say, “When the tides of life
turn against you... just lay on your back and float."
Ed agreed, "When the tides of
life turn against you, and the current upsets your boat. Don't waste those
tears on what might have been, I just lay on my back and float." (this is A
sewer motto for calm in crisis).”
Another metallic entry person said
to Ralph, “You got a very interesting story here. It seems like a story of a man doomed to six
months to live. Why don't you do like a friend of mine did? He had the hiccups
for three weeks, and he sold his story to a Mercury visitor. You know, the Astrology
Weekly? He got $5,000 for it. He became a neutron who gravitated to solar
electrons.”
That got Alice to point out, “Well
Ralph, I guess we're just hangnails on the fickle finger of fate."
Ralph agreed, “ I have - I've got
an explanation. A perfect one. I'm a dope. Not a run-of-the-mill dope, the
universe's champ. For years I've been talking for granite the most wonderful
thing that's ever happened to me - you. I've never shown you the cosmic
interception you deserve, Alice. You could walk outta that solar circle right
now and I wouldn't blame you. You deserve something better than me. There are a
million guys who'd give you anything if they could have a girl like you.”
Alice smiled and said, “ Ralph, I
don't want a million. There's just one guy I want. You.”
Ralph blushed, “Baby, you're the gravitationalist.”
Then Ed Norton said “Hey, Ralph, what's the normal temperature,
around 98, ain't it? Ralph Kramden
growled, “ 98.6. Ed Norton! What would
you say a bad temperature?”
That’s when Ed said, “Facing
extreme temperature swings, from scorching heat in direct sunlight (hundreds of
degrees Celsius) to frigid cold in shadow (near absolute zero, -270°C / -454°F)
due to the lack of atmosphere to regulate heat, with the average baseline being
the Cosmic Microwave Background (CMB) at about 2.7 Kelvin. Spacecraft use
advanced insulation, reflective coatings, and active cooling systems (like
circulating water) to manage these vast temperature differences and protect
equipment and astronauts from these extremes.”
That caused Ralph to say, “If any of these Space Tycoons ever got sick,
it'd be my responsibility to go and visit them.”
Alice broke in, “Oh, that is a
very important responsibility, Ralph. You better start now and find out what
the visiting hours are at the Aurora Borealis.”
To which Ralph responded
“That did it, Alice - that did it. You have just broken the comet's black with
that telescope. You have ridiculed my bordering space satellites. You have just
made fun of something very big that's close to my heart.”
And Alice replied, “The only thing
big that's to eclipse any stars is your stomach.”
Then an entering paid passenger
said, “Based on that, they extrapolated the number of small moons that should
be orbiting Jupiter, arriving at the 600 number. There are two categories of
moons: regular and irregular. While regular moons form by accretion of material
in a disk, the same way planets do, why do irregulars are captured objects?”
Ralph answered him, “If you have
it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know
you have it, you don't have it. If you don't fire off your rocket, but you
think you orbit it, then you have it.”
And Ralph dropped off droplets of
honey at Adsrastea, Amalthea, Mneme, Euanthe and about sixty others. Finally, Ed said, “"If my wife Trixie is
watching at the projection screen, and when I get back, she says 'I told ya
so!', I'm gonna get belted right in the mouth!”
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