Worms And Turtles On Earth OR Whatever I Think

 

Digging through the ground, as a child, I found that my saliva encouraged me to have movements more than have hunger.  And I am not talking about my bowel movements.  I am talking about my wormhole movements.  And “NO” the hole is not moving.  I am moving!   I am a worm and I live beneath the backyard of a couple who sit on their porch and look towards the sky.  The sky!  The sky!!! I would never like to  or even be able to look at the sky and the sun and all those blue blistering bunkuses.

Some people call it “a Close Call.”  It might make me do “a Closed Stall.”  I don’t have any “Clothes At All.”  So much do I see you “Clones Fall.”

You just got to realize that Worm Warm is Worn around.  It is a Warning.  And the leaves fall where I won’t leave except in the fall when I must go underground.  People use my relatives to fish.  I don’t want to be another one hooked.  Line and scale and water you do.  Your sinkers do stink, urgh.

Some of you mistake me for a Shamrock Snake.  Yesterday I did run across a Strawberry Snake.  Holey Moley, up front was a Carmal Snake!

This caused me to decide to eat a new tunnel towards the East side of the city.  This is life.  This is salvation.  This is Salvador.  Salvador Dahli I do adore.  This is where I am at. I eat through ground and the ground gets pushed through my skin forcedly into the ground all around me.  This makes my tunnels lasting chunnels.  On the occasion I sometimes enjoy what I am eating through because I occasionally am eating through something I like to eat through.  Instead of a throw up I occasionally eat through dog poop, lost chicken wings, and root root roots.

You sure think you are the Apple to my eye. Hey!   If I ever had an eye. And I don’t have an I. And!  Oh No!  Last week I had several eyes.  A dead skunk eye.  So many squirrel eyes.  A rabbit eye here.  A rabbit eye there.  Here a rabbit.  Hear a rabbit.  So, I must have ate some rabbit ears too.  And so much of what I eat is rabid. Don’t eat me, and please don’t heat me, in this race you want to beat me, your race always tries to mistreat me, beets in the ground are so delicious, feets on the ground are delicious too.

A mirror image imagined me as a mere ore.  Or was that Ogre?  Origami. Oregano. Oregon are sure gone.  And look.  There are Four turtles sunning themselves on the log.  Another one, in the grass, is going towards this tree stump.  She knows where she wants to go.  Nothing will stop her.

Just like when that group of ants joined me in my journey.  They shared some rice they pushed in the ground.  They let me know that they enjoyed the quick move they had available using one of my tunnels.   

I really wish you humans would understand that a worm in the hand is not worth two under the bush.  And definitely none on a fish hook.

Us Earthworms are Lumbricus terrestris.  Now who is Aerating Soil?

I sure do like fresh, moist soil.  Freshwater is great too, but I also enjoy the sea. You People don’t admit it out loud but I am really good for your grass yards.   And also, really good for those Gardens.  Gardenias.  I love to be in a Garden.  Why do you think I’m called a Nightcrawler?  I sleep during the day, I hate the sun, and I’m out at night.  Especially outside of my tunnels where I can look for that garbage you toss out and I eat them up so you can have a better garden.  You Garbage Can.  And you sure hate me in your swimming pool.

You just like to bunch me and my friends up, throw us up and then into your garbage, and then sell us as bait for freshwater fish.   All those trout, largemouth bass, and panfish just eat us up. 

I just love letting water and oxygen  penetrate this ground. And I really hate it when you pour salt on me.  That causes me to lose my body’s water.  Haven’t you ever heard of osmosis?  Quit dehydrating me!

I also hate getting stuck on your travel areas.   Your sidewalks.   Those paths.  The roads. Your stupid driveways. You keep getting me dehydrated!

Try to remember when Carl Linnaeus and Jean-Baptiste Lamarck played with me, introducing me to all lethal non-arthropod invertebrate animals.  Life sure seemed polyphyletic.  In 1758 Linnaeus forced me into his Systema Naturae.  Such a scheme!  I love Us animals in three kingdoms.  Divided.   Classed.  We Vermes!   Insecta. Pisces.  Amphibia Aves.   And then we have to put up with you Mammalia!

Just whatever happened to my friends, those crustaceans and arachnids?

Well, back in 1793 Lamarck started calling the Vermes ‘une espèce de chaos,’ a sort of chaos.  That caused us to  react by splitting our own phyla!  Us worms.  Our friends, the echinoderms.   And also, you stupid polyps! 

I want you to know that my aunt, Platyhelminthes, is just a common tapeworm. There is also my neighbor, Nematoda, who keeps telling everyone that  he’s a  ‘threatworm.’  I am so happy that my girlfriend, Annelida, is a bristle worm to me. I met her at some medical place.   She had a friend who is a  Parasitic Doctor.  She was the hospital’s specialist, Cestoda.  I’m glad I went because, "Helminthology" was a group of partying worms.  And you, you group of  Panarthropods.  Your names are,  Mr. Cambrian.   Miss Carboniferous.  Miss A lot.   I would rather be  called “animals."   I just want to get stubby lobopods.

I wish you could learn how to be really Worm charming.  Here and there we need a Worm Grunt and a Worm Fiddle.  Then everywhere you go you will attract us worms from the ground.  If only you would keep  vibrating the soil.  I want to keep feeling encouraged to the earth’s surface.

Instead, you are just a bunch of Grunts.  I call you Grunts  “Stobs."  That is because some boss of mine found a wooden stake driven into several grounds.  He just "Rooped iron."  And we began calling him “ The Stob.”  You sure are “A Stob” too!

I would like it if one commoner would keep doing the "seagull dance".  Wood turtles also find it very Worm charming.  They sure like to stamp their feet.  They do it to attract us  Worms. Those guys get smiles on their faces.  Yes,  those turtles sure prey on my friends.

Haven’t you ever heard of “The World Worm Charming Championship?”  It was started in 1980.  It is now an annual event.  It was organized by  the deputy headmaster, John Bailey.  He wrote the original rules for this competition.  A crowd of humans was to be charmed by 511 worms, all in half an hour.  Since 1984 this became an official Company called “A Real Ale Beer For All.”   The cost leads to only a single worm being charmed.  Since 2000 the winner was crushed by a ball and began groaning a "Worm Gruntin' King and Queen". On the Periodic Table the scientists placed a Worm’s Grunting by listing us as a  “Plod” element.

Now you got to remember ”A Worm in your Glands Hurts too much to Ambush.”

                                       I enjoyed writing this                                                                                                                                     I want you to enjoy reading this                                                                                                                     I also wish you would read some of THESE