Arc The Fiscal And Tell The Gents

 

Honeymooners in Space

Universe 12, Planet 34

34th Chapter of the Stellar Bus

 

               When the crowd reached the ship’s Coach Door that person, Ralph, who was loaded, kept going in.  Ralph picked up his microphone and talked to the resting and waiting (and some waling) passengers:

               “Good motoring, good morbiding, good mortuaritying.  And for those of you with something that looks like a head, good perching.  I’d like to reason that what I say is for working to making your lives a little matter and, on the street, not much of a smatter.  But I have difficulties reasoning anywhere, especially with myself.  So, what appears to you that are a factory’s work forcing lifts and sludges, that is your entrance into my space bus.  And I will take you, and I do mean take you.  I will take you hear.  I will take you dare.  I will take you Any Where!

               “You may claim you are Space Pirates.  Space Pile Ups.  Or even Space Pie Rust.  We will treat you like all.  And you are a treat for us.  So, I’ll let you retreat.  These Altitudes.  Those Positronic Thumps.  Any of that Hering which is really a star mistaken for an asteroid.

               “Please enter using our walking steps.  There may be a  surveyor belt, but we really belt survivors, so  avail your wishes for an elevator.  You may now start imaging yourselves as the King of the Thrown, but you are really a bunch of throw ups.  Welcome aboard.  Whether you are bored or not.

”We will take off in a million militant seconds and land in a galaxy far far away.”

Ralph then walked back to what he called ‘My Pilot Seat’ (but what his friends and family call ‘His Pile It On Seat’) and he laughed out at the window.  Ed went back to flushing a few toilets in order that Ralph thought Ed was working.

Riding the conveyor belt, all those crank shafts brought themselves together to their seats, their cabins, their snuggling (or is that struggling?)  areas where those inhabitants of these inhibited crunches of rock in this star cluster, in this cluster that those so called people, those Arms Less Strong and various John Plugged Up Agains, Yurin Gagged Agains Against Again And Aging,  along with all those other things were being dropped off from those  bunches of spaced out shuttles.

Those piles of leftovers, cyclically and sickishly grew into Artist Physically Intelligent Beings.  There were a bunch of the bulbs that lit up as heads.  Some of those piles of switches swished all over the place.  Then there were several groups of Gears that Crunched across various Metallic Celluloids to make their way up  into various  Astro Nuts and  began rovering the paths of many of Extraterrestrial (and Extra Terrorist Trial) Cosmicollogies. 

Ralph wondered out loud  “Are they Electronic Cords?”

               Ed answered,  “ Of course.  And they are very coarse too!”

               Alice added, “You are Off Course, as usual.”

Ralph Kramden then had steered them to this planet of Light Bulbs.  These beings kept boarding his bus, and they were not just Light Bulbs.  They were also Switches, Electronic Cords, Nails, Pliers.  Hinges here, Hinges there, Hinges Hinges everywhere.  Going upwards, Ralph’s escalator  got filled with Drill Bits, Bolts, Nozzles, Gauges, Anchors, and Washers among other things.

While watching, Ed said, “Ralph.  You must feel quite at home here.  Another Nut among all these Nuts.” 

While various gears prodded along their ways Trixie asked Ed, “How did all these mechanical things get to act alive?”

Ed said, “Well, back in the 1990’s computer programs used to take readings and allowed users to type in information to the systems and they were programmed to make suggestions from the tabled lists of possible ways to go or possible actions to make temporary moves.  That was just what every programmer had to make what he will be running do.  After a while, the owners of the companies that built various mechanisms started calling it Artificial Intelligence.”

Ralph agreed, “After a while there was not much Real Intelligence in our various communities that they must have changed their minds and not called it ‘Artificial’ anymore.”

Ed went on, “Talk about all that learning.  That reminded me of back in High School.  All the other students in my class always wanted act like their Math’s Got.  I never got too.”

Ralph said, “The same stuff happened to me.  In one of my classes I just caved in because, with all of my work, I only could get my Spelling Flunking.”

That went on and on.  After dinner, Ralph said to Alice, “This load is really disgusting.  Here a Light.  There a Light.  Everywhere a Light, Light!  And it is no delight for me.  I mean, see those where they are three way Bulbs.  How disgusting can you be.”

Alice said, “Ralph, you’re pretty disgusting yourself.  Don’t complain.”

Alice and Trixie then walked off.

Alice whispered to her friend, “Last night Ralphie said to me that he will never sleep unless he has something to say.”

Trixie then laughingly replied, “Does he realize that, with him, a snore is a snort?”

Alice, “Of course. How coarse.”

Trixie carried on, “And he sure always talks through his nose as his course.”

Alice, “ He always makes me remorse as my chores.  He’s sure a sleepy head.”

Trixie then looked at her, “ I had hoped that you were going to say, ‘I guess his CPAP did work because he’s always asleep and every where’s a bed.’”

That’s when  a group of wires with buttons and gears shooed by them.  You could hear those circuits saying, “ Memorizing!”

As others called out, “Members Sizing!”

Then a bunch of Bolts went, “Mentor Rising!”  

Instead of complaining, since there is no ‘Day’ in  space, at the end of the ‘Say’ Alice said, “Hey Ralphie!  Ralphie!  I want you to avoid those meteoroids that I see.  Remember, the moon flew over those cow moos.”

To which Ralph replied, “That little rocket launched.  You can see it through this port.”

While Trixie added, “And that eclipse stopped our view of the moon.”

Which caused Ed to ask them, “Was that Star Port or Star Board.”

So, Ralph answered “The Star Board is where people from these Stars Board.”

And Trixie ended, “So those asteroids will fly away very soon.”

 

                                                             If you had fun reading this                                                                                                                             You might enjoy some of the other stuff                                                                                                       That I WRITE

Ask And You Shall Deceive

 

In this town I looked for a bar

Why the hell are we barred

 

In the street I saw a car

Were you the drunk in that car

 

He Looked like a man who needs some air

You really know what’s that smell in that air

 

Was he a Ringo without a Star?

How in the hell did this become the Western Bar!

 

Would you vote for a president whom you can’t trust

Why the hell did that Watergate bust

 

Are we like a dog without a cat

What the hell do we mean by that

 

Is it like a rat without some cheese

How will that trap work?  Please!

 

I see you’re  a mammal without any hair

How the hell did we get in there

 

You look like your life sure is always in mud

Where the hell did you get all that blood

 

It now feels like rain, there’s a coming  flood

Why the hell do you call me Bud

 

You seem like some sand without silicon

Don’t you see how silly you are you Clone

 

You’re  like 4 dimensions without some time

Your time to the hell is good and mined

 

You keep stepping a foot without a toe

Just why the hell can’t you see that you’re a toad

 

You’re like a duck without a pond

What the hell makes you so fond

 

You make this like an earth that just cannot shake

Why the Hell did you cause our earth quake

 

 

Don’t spike our truths with all those ‘Ayes!’

Who  the hell just don’t say lies

 

We’re like a religion without sin

What the hell have we got in

 

You claim your life is heaven without hell

And I have to ask, what the hell is hell                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     If you like to read                                                                                                                                           You might try some of my other STUFF

My Placement or What This Place Meant

 

               How do I know where I am?  I can’t tell any of those differences that Geography has from Geology.  So, if I don’t know where things are at or what the ground is made of and I would not understand where, what, and when things were at.  At?  At!  What do you think I am?  The Atlas?  How could I be the Atlas with no Geography!  At Last, I am Attila The Dumb.    And I also cannot understand the differences of a person’s, a creature’s, or a thing’s Biography from their Biology.  Do I know the history of your life?  Not bloody likely!  And if I were a vampire, I would like blood, see, likely.  But, not in the Sea, likely.

               Well, anyway, I know  I’m no Cone Head.  You should know what I am.  And that is ‘Know what I am.’  You should not have the power to ‘No what I am’!  I am The Bat Man.  And not just The Bat Man, I am The Bat Man Ion.  The other day someone said to me, “You think you are a Super Hero.  Let me see you fly.”  I answered, “Watch!  See, here’s my fly.  Now keep watching.  You’ll soon see me take off.  My clothes, that is.”

               Then some woman said to me, “I bet you just escaped to Mara Largo. I wish the rest of us could  escape from you, you Maga Bozo.”

              

               That was when this happened:

 

                        Happiness Squids

Happiness Skids

Happiness Bids

Different Blinks  From Different Peep Holes.

 

But instead of Happiness, things should have been.  And I mean ‘been’, not ‘bean’  I sure am a mean bean:

 

Hah!  See this

See This Flea Dish

Sea Shells want to Sink Me

                              And not just in Helsinki

                              Also in all this Stink, Me

                        Just remember

I’ll Sink You Too

As I Sink my Fangs into you.

 

               That caused me to call out, “I knew you would.  Or is that, I knew you, wood?  Ashe?  Oak?  Coconut?  Willow?  What Willow You Be Doing?  You will, hot jewel, be doing Treason.  Not Trees, on and on.  Anyway, Yankee soon be Democracy Dead.  Like those Rons with Coked up colons.  That Pres keep saying ‘Oooh Maga!’  In the past he had Married a pretty commie.  She’s a bit bats.  Putin sure kept telling him to do that.”

               As things were going along, I got interrupted again with, “Look!   Up in the sky!  It’s a Bat!  It’s a Wolf!   It’s Full Moon Man!”

To which I replied, “Werewolves will eat your arm along.  Just like those lizards love to do.”

Which caused her to answer, and she just shouted, “That werewolf with paws!  That is what he does!  He dodges!  He dodges!  He dodges!  He dodges!  He dodges!  He dodges that silver bullet and then:

 

                        He claws

And gnaws

His jaws

Because

They are His Laws.”

 

               She then said, “Awe, come on.  Don’t be afraid.  He’s just a mammal.  And when we think that we should be afraid of Beasts.  Instead of Beasts, you should really look out for those Bees.  See, they are all run by Females.  I’m a Female.  You’re not a Female!  Think about it, even those kept alive Worker Bee slaves are Females.  So few Males are allowed to grow up occasionally.  They are allowed by the Queen so she could make another brood.  Eruption!  A lava of larvae! Oh Great!  Great Sitkin that is.

“And it’s not just the Bees.  Ants do that too!  Most Ants are Females.  Ever think of why we call your Mother’s Sister ‘Aunt’?  Because it is how U spell  ‘Ant’.  Have you ever thought about who runs the other insects, too?  This is not the rule of dumb, but, this rule of thumb is that Females tend to be bigger and they congregate, and they tend to have a bulgier abdomens. Congregate.  Congress.  We should have more Females in our Congress.  And that guy who thinks he owns our Congress.  He sounds like he’s full of Coke.  And he ain’t even a Cockroach.  Cockroaches.  Those Males are typically smaller with longer, thinner antennae.  They need antennas.  They don’t do any thinking on their own.  Other than thinking that they are the Kings.  Females are larger with shorter, stouter antennae, shorter wings.  How about Praying Mantises?  They really should be called Preying Mantises.  The Female kills the Male after they mate, and she eats his head.

“Instead of The Voice, or was that The Vice, or Dancing With Your Straws, or The Masked Stinker?   There should be a televised competition where a Woman reads a five to fifteen minute excerpt or list of commands, and the team leaders (Females) pick a few of them and have the Men complete them, till the end of the show.  Each fight would have two or more individual Ladies lead a bunch collected Men and then either the Female judges or the television Women viewers decide who won that portion of the competition.  This goes on and on until the last two are waiting to compete.  Then they read parts or all of what the world has left.   And the Female audience or Female judges vote.   A life long winter is us now frozen.”

What she said caused me to say, “That seems just like you are trying to look up things about ancient civilizations.  What, hadn’t you once found caves in the Grand Canyon?  And how did these discoveries disappear?   Men can’t find the caves now.  Is it because a Girl did not tell them where to look?”

 

All we have are Seven Baseless  Machis Moes:

 

i)             Unclever

ii)            Squeal and Ask Moe

iii)           Pukey

iv)           Inclined Blame

v)            Sledge

vi)           Screwed Up

              

               And She replied to me, “About the people who think they rule us.  Those guys are sure not or should not be our leaders.  They are not  leaders of any sort.  They are lead pipe errors instead.  And they are the lead that causes us cancer.  But they are just one of the latest parade balloons rallying the  doom of selfish bullies.”

 

               I agreed.  This here life sure makes my skin crawl.

 

               Talk About  Skin Crawl, all this stuff we are commanded to do:

 

1)     Start to act like we know the few talking to us

2)     Conflicts under my skin – you friends against the others there

3)     You must get to know other people – You learn to communicate with your own kind, but not with your own mind

4)     We discuss with some inner self if the others of our people have people like the ones under our skins

5)     You must find, start communicating with, reach out to, or teach a few others (like we think they are) that have so called smart people inside of them

6)     Try to find out, ‘Are there more in the Earth or on other planets?’

7)     Do these smart people also have people inside of them

8)     Is there a problem?  Do we want a problem?  We are the problem.

9)     Do smart people make us slaves?   Knowingly?  Do some smart people make other smart people slaves?  Knowingly. 

10)   I don’t think they know how to know. 

                                                I hope you liked reading some of the stuff that I write                                                                                  Here is other stuff that I WRITE

 

Graphing A Photon Or Grabbing A Dog

 

               I heard a tapping on my window.  I looked outside and saw some, furry little thing scampering across the sidewalk and barking at me.  Here’s what came out of his mouth “Hey Mr. Mingles Man.  Manhandle my vacuum energy.  That comet comes and I don’t want to be alone.  Or is that on loan?”  Or, at least that’s what I heard coming out from his mouth.

               So, I went to the doorway.  I opened it and looked out.  With a head of a Moriarty.  And an anvil Ally to the pull of the tooth.  I smiled and said, “Fangs to you.”

               He ran around.  Bit at his tail, and replied, “Sir!   Sir!  I am not forgotten!  I want to tell you that I am for the gloss softened.  See, my bones sure ain’t rotten.  And my gravity is at my bottom.”

               I replied, “I’m not Stu you little Pid.  I can easely see that you are ‘A tail pulled by those idiots’ or was that ‘lily lads.’”

               He then growled, “At least I’m a wizard with jaws.”

               To which I said, “You sure are that Wizard who annoys.”

               He looked at me, pointed his snout, lifted his leg, and then said, “I want to point out to you that me and my friend here.  We are The Photon and The Dog.”

               And I just answered, or was that ants whirled, “Well, I can see you as The Wizard of Paws.”

               Then he replied, “Come On!  I’m not the Wizard Possessed.  Repossessed.  Retrograded.”

               I then just laughed and told him, “Yes.  Yes!  Yes, you are!  You are such a:

Pro Non,

That Makes You An Anti-Nuken

We wilt now call you our Auntie Nun.”

                Two Witch caused them to state:

 

“Eee! Nun.  See a Tun!

See that two nun!

Sea a Tuna!

And just pay me a Fee! Man!

As your g Sprees Your Nun around!”

 

               That was when I acknowledged that there were two of them, “Okay!  Okay!  I’ve head enough of this!  Or is that I’ve heard enough of that!  Well, it really is I herd enough of this herd of you two.  So, I now pronoun yous in the shape of the universe!”

               The next thing I did was step out my door.  I locked it to make my home safe.  I’m always a safe cracker when I want to go back inside.  I just do that when I’m sick of all these crackers around me.  They sure are cracked up.  Anyway, I looked up in that stye.  That’s when, in my eye I got dropped by a bird.  As usual, I complained,  “Are you Super Man Immature?”

               To which the furry one barked, “You should no that If I were a Supper Hero.  And I’m not talking about the Sand Witch.  You’re the one that I canned take a stand width.   I am Bat Man.  And you would be Foe Ward.  Or is that Four Weird.  Whatever, all we know is that, Ed Warts.  Or at least you Eats Warts.”

               I ants weird, “I know. I know now.  It’s that meteor that did it.  Boy life sure became meatier.  There it was.  It Mash Potatoed some Matter with you.  That’s Watsa Matta Wid You!  And so, now, you are just Corporal Klinger.  And look around you. All those Klingons!  This makes me feel like I am  on the banks of an Alien Stream.  I see you now.  You are one of the Jelly Fish of Jupiter.”

               After that I was tapped on my shoulder.  There was my neighbor standing in back of me.  He said, “ All this time I’ve been hearing you.  You Snapping, Napping Crew.  I see those guys!  They are the Physiolostones. Yes, it is the Photon and the Dog Time.  Because with them Time Travels Backward.  TTB!  Anytime we can see you, you guys are Back Wards.  And this proves that you, my neighbor, are a Back Wart.  Now you should listen to just what my back warns!”

               Then, before he started, I argued, or is that agreed, or I noticed some more greed, my a popsicle creed, “Yeah, sure, and that Dark Energy, the Dark Matter, those Five Point Nine Protons per cubic meter-doo!”

Pulsars met some Space Stones

In a meteoric celestial body

From the messed up helium vacuum

They're a ray right out of radiation

 

Let them  fly with the temperature of heat

Through that plasma of Kelvin's two point seven C.

 

Seven C

Seven Seas

Heaven Sees

 

Then that Atom hit a Space Dog

He sure did have a Yuri Gagarin cost flight

A Soviet  mesospheric blight

It'll find the Earth Or Bite

 

An Orbit Obit

 

Baryonic, meet the Numeric Densities

They're the neutrino stars and galaxies

From the electromagnetic dust

They're a field right out of kinetic

 

Someday, maybe mass energy will dark

And then that matter will stray out to the park

 

So when you're with the Anastrophe

You’ll have that microwave spatial probe

A vacuum background parallel rove

Five orders of magnitude prone

 

We all must learn that Hist Ionic was written up as a personality disorder.  It is  a mental condition.  One in which people are said to act in a very emute teal and dramatic way.  Anyway, that draws attention to themselves.  Magnetism is as magnetism does, but the Butt Put that reality is, is that a Canis Ionic fur tail dog bottomry has distorted some sputnickal probe.  And the seismologically connected fibers spacially sparked into fidos.  One specific Ion was positively charged, in order to get attracted to a specific negative electrode.  That Grain behind this ausweis was expediated to form a cathode.  What the waves in this form did not co-pre-med or comprehend, or corpses amend, was that that was what was framed.  And maybe farmed.  It was not a cathode but it was what the Cat Owed.  And what that Cat Owed was a Dog.

So, beware of the Photons.  They are the snarl tickles. This is the one that trickled so much that the other otter that  travelled through some wide spaces with the Atom Bombs  just bombing away.  And when that certain Photon got too much booze,  it interfered with the election of the King of the Earth!   The photon and his fiend friend fright were then ether subtracted into a particle queuer atom or (or ore)  that tomb then became a Rebel to the caustics.

                                          I hope you liked reading this                                                                                                                          There are other things you can read TOO

I'm Wrong

 

               I have a relative who grew up loving communism.  He hated American Citizens.  He was born an American.  He lived in America.  When he was nine years old he got a short wave radio.  That is when he learned to love communism.  His hatred of America began earlier than that. 

               He thought he was the best.  He always thought everyone else was the worst.  He’d play baseball.  He was good at it.  He was not great at it.  No one is great at anything in the beginning.  But that effected and affected him emotionally.  Who is great, even after years of playing it? Anything?  If you’re better than some you are probably worse than others.  He’d play hockey.  He was good at it.  He was not great at it.  He’d play football.  He was good at that too.  He was not great at that too.

               He got mad when other people were better at these things than he was.  He especially got mad at kids that were older than he was.  He would stand in line at school.  Everyone stood in lines at school at that time.  Some kids in back of him would taunt him for missing a pass or for getting struck out.  Who did not get taunted in grade school?  He’d get mad, and he’d hold his sharpened pencil in his right hand, and stab down and backward at the kid who was taunting him in back of him, whether that kid was still there or not.

               There was a song on the radio when we were growing up.  It was called “Running Bear.”  It told about Running Bear and Little White Dove.  When this neighbor got mad at school he would start pacing.  He eventually would start hopping as he was pacing.  When he was nine or ten and some teenager was laughing at him (teenagers laughed at younger kids because they can), he started getting mad and paced and hopped even more.  One time, when somewhere a radio was playing,  “On the banks of the river stood running bear.”  That was when the teenagers started calling him Running Bear.  The teenagers noticed that he was pacing and hopping.  Teenagers notice things like that.  And it stuck with him when they said, “Hey.  He is not Running Bear.  He is Dancing Bear.”

               Dancing Bear.  That name remained with him through the rest of grade school.  It was with him all through High School.  It followed him to college.  He was anointed with another name in grade school.  A popular candy that you could get at the Dime Store was Orange Nip.  On the candy’s box was a stick figure drawing.  This character just had stick arms and legs and body but it had a huge fruit colored Orange head with eyes and a line mouth.  His head got colored orange too.  When Dancing Bear got mad, the blood vessels in his head would pump and pound.  Dancing Bear had a rather large head to begin with.  When he got mad that big head would turn red and orange with his high blood pressure.  Many teenagers then began calling him Orange Nip.  That name, Orange Nip, also followed him through grade school, high school, and college. 

               I was raised a Catholic.  He was raised a Catholic.  Since he was better at sports than anyone, he was also better at being a Catholic than anyone.  When I would visit him he would play at being a priest.  He would get a small table in his bedroom.  He had covered that table with a towel.  He kept a glass on the center of that table.  Since I was there, I was supposed to be a worshiper.  It was my job to kneel in back of him, fold my hands, and stay quiet.  It was his job to look over the room.  It was his job to speak Latin (he made up words).  It was his job to lift up the glass and look at it.  It was his job to turn around and face me and lift up the glass and look at it.  It was his job to turn around again and place the glass back down on the middle of the table.  This could go on for hours.  I would get bored.  I would try to say something and he would condemn me because I was evil.  I constantly left and he’d go on and on for hours lifting his glass, looking at it, speaking his made up words of God.

               When he was nine years old and got his shortwave radio he already disliked everybody.  He soon realized that he disliked America.  He listened to Radio East Berlin.  He listened to Radio Moscow.  He listened to Radio China.  They were moral people.  They presented good ways to live.  There were no teenagers there.  Their sports teams were the best.  He conceded, begrudgingly, that they might be not so good on foreign policy but they are the best at domestic policy. 

               He saved his money and bought books about these countries.  He bought pictures of the leaders of these countries.  He bought the flags of these countries.  He would also write to the radio stations that he listened to.  The radio stations wrote back to him.  He became more disconnected to the world at his doorstep and more in love with the world he heard, that world he read about.

               I am two years younger than he is.  Back when I was seven years old we, America, did not have diplomatic relations with The People’s Republic of China.  He wrote to China often.  Back when I was seven years old my family was interrogated by the FBI because of my friendship to him.  Me, a seven year old boy, was brought to a room, had a spotlight on my face, and was questioned about my activities.  I was questioned about who my friends were.  I was questioned about what I do when I think no one is watching me.  He was questioned too.  It appears that he wrote several times to The People’s Republic of China.  He declared that he did not.  The FBI agents showed him the letters that he sent.  Since we did not have diplomatic relations with The People’s Republic of China at that time those letters went to the US Embassy in Taiwan.  When the letters were held in front of his face, he admitted that he wrote them.  He said he was just inquiring about the weather there.  The FBI Agents asked him “If this correspondence is just about the weather why did you state, ‘All Hail Our Beloved Chairman Mao Tse-tung.’  He said that he was just being polite and that he wrote, ‘Your Beloved Chairman Mao Tse-tung.’  The FBI agents showed him several letters with ‘Our Beloved Chairman Mao Tse-tung.’

               It is bad enough that a nine year old had to go through interrogations like that.  I was seven years old.  At the end of the in person investigations he told the FBI Agents that he would happily work with them to help them keep an eye on what is happening in The People’s Republic of China.  He would talk to the agents on the phone periodically.  He still did not remove the Russian and Chinese flags from his room.  The good old Sickle and the Stars.  A couple years later he slipped up and told me that ‘I am working on the inside.’  I did not want to know so I asked no more.  He wouldn’t know the truth, or speak it if he did know the truth.

               Since he was so interested in his radio he learned foreign languages.  He started with German and then Russian and also Chinese.  Since he considered himself a Priest he took no interest in science.  In grade school, during seventh and eighth grade, the school had a Science Fair.  He built a volcano.  It was a coffee can covered with plaster and had baking soda and vinegar poured in so it would bubble up and spew over.  I had plants that I grew under ultra violet lights whose height measurements I took periodically.  Gee, which was more scientific?   Unfortunately I went to the same high school that he did.  It was great.  I am being sarcastic.  Everyone knew him and put him down.  As soon as I started high school, because I had been seen for years near him and not outwardly hating him, I had all the older students put me down too.  “Another Dancing Bear.”  “Another Orange Nip.” 

               But I did not react to that.  If someone would hit me I grabbed them and held them aloft.  If someone taunted me I acted like I did not hear them.  In school I got deeply into mathematical theorems and science.  The popular kids, the athletes and the student council people, the ones that hated him, they paid no attention to me.  They were not interested in math or science.  I remember a time when a kid, two years older than him, chased him down the block and started hitting him.  I intervened.  (Now since I was two years younger than the nut job that made me four years younger than the kid that was beating up the nut job.  I was smaller than both of them.)  I stopped Dan from beating up on him.  I was on someone’s front doorstep.  I was holding Dan above me, his shirt grasped in my fist.  Dan started yelling, “Come on.  Hit me.  Hit me!”  I just looked at him and said, “I don’t believe in violence,” and tossed him onto the ground.  He took off, he ran away, and laughed at me.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              If you liked reading this                                                                                                                                 I would like you to read                                                                                                                                 Other things I WROTE

Doubts Count or Clouts Blout

               I’ve been out drinking with my buddies.  I had a Singapore Sling.  Or was it I Sing of Porcelain?   It feels like I had a Swing on a Porcupine.  I sure had too many porcinis.  There was mush in the room all around me.

               Frank told me, “Don’t try to make your dreams remain.  I make my dreams a reality.  That’s better than having my dreams my remains.”

               Then we heard the bartender, or was that the Fart Ender, “Away and away forward.”

Jim told me, “I smell the dirt and I walk away from that dirt.  I walk forward.  I see no light and just walk into it.”

Ed said, “I just get punched and fall.”

Tim went on, “Into that area the punch did not come from, I see schools.  Not Icy Cools. And I see ground, or was that the Esagrand?  It sure was Grand.  Whatever it was.  Or was it a wasp?”

I just replied, “And I sat on this see saw and just got pushed up to the sun.”

Frank talked, “That is the season this is.  It was the wind that blew that kite up higher.”

Jim answered, “Well, and I don’t mean deep water.  But, well, those magnets keep pushing me up.”

That caused me to say, “The sound was so plasmatically disgusting that all I could do was wave.”

To which Frank reacted, “It’s not easy being Lazy.  You’re Lazy because nobody can be that stupid.  Making the bed.  Cutting wood.  Trimming branches.  Asking what you said because I am too lazy to listen to you the first time and too lazy to read your mind.”

And I said, “It’s not easy being Stupid.  Don’t think about it, just do it.  I was told he could do it in one hour and he gave me one month to do it.  I finished it in 3 weeks.  His works 10% of the time.  Mine works 95% of the time.”

Tim then said, “I was interrupted by Endeavor Health.  They really should be named ‘End Never Death’.”

Ed asked, “Did you Mask Up or have you just gone to Mass Cup.”

Tim replied, “I think it was an Irish Wolfhound or maybe that Irish Wool  I Found.”

Frank said, “Well, I am a Week Early.”

And I said, “As usual, you are just a Wee Curly.”

Frank then asked, “Wichita, or Which I Thought, or are you the Witch I Taunt?”

To witch I asked, “Are you Iceland Dice or Dice Landic?”

Which caused Frank to go on, “Glacialotomy!”

And Jim asked, “Was that Glacier Anatomy or ‘Glaciers On Top Of Me’?”

Ed said, “I’d better watch out.  I don’t want to be Ate!  And I’m not denying all this Hate.”

Tim then disgusted, “Heaven snakes alive.”

Frank sighed, “Fort trees too.”

To which I asked, “But Who Won?  Can’t you Zee that Hero?”

Ed then told us, “You’ve got to make your every move count!   Or at least make every count move:

 

Count Dooku from Star Wars, or was that Start Warts.

Count Dracula from, of course, Dracula.

Count Duckula from Count Duckula.  Duck means hide your head.

Count Fenring from Dune.  We all know what you’re doing.

Count Athos, one of the Three Musketeers.  You are a bunch of musk eaters.

Count Baltar from Battlestar Galactica.  Impractica.

Count Bloodcount from Looney Tunes.  There’s no Loonier Than Us.

Count Bobby who was The Terror of The Wild West.  West Minister Abbey, baby.

Count Chocula from Monster Cereals.  We are the Surreals.

Count von Count from Sesame Street.  Their Street is our Retreat.

Edmond Dante, the Count of Monte Cristo.  Boil me in Cristo Oil.

Count Floyd from the Second City Television.  Don’t tell me your visions.

Count Fosco from The Woman In White.  Keep her out of my sight.

Count Fujiwara from The Handmaiden.  My Dune is what my Sand is Makin.

Count Nefaria from Marvel Comics  Following my Ergonomics.

Count Olaf from A Series of Unfortunate Events.  With Frank we need to keep the Vents.

Count Orlok from Nosferatu.  Speaking of Frank, our noses will rot too.

Count Paris from Romeo and Juliet.  In my life, I’ve roamed and I still owe so my Julie Left.

Count Andreas Petofi from Dark Shadows.  Do.  Dose.  Doze.

Nikolai Rostov from War and Peace.  I were in a lot of Pees.

Count Weirdly from Slylock Fox.  And I’m stuck in a box.

Count Rupert of Mountjoy from The Mouse That Roared.  We’re all on board.”

 

               Frank asked, “Why do we have to Count his Joy?”

               And I asked Frank, “Were you Down for that Count?”

Frank then asked, “Which Count?”

That caused me to ask, “Did you say ‘Witch Count’?”

To which Tim asked, “Or was that the Wichita Count?”

Ed replied, Anyway, that was my Count Down.”

I then asked, “Did you say that you just gave us your Count Clown?”         

Tim just asked, “Which Count was that?”

Ed said, “Tim, you must have been Down for the Count!”

Tim pushed in, “Which Count?”

Ed asked, “Did you ask me to be a, ‘Witch Count’?”

Frank added in, “Maybe he asked ‘Wichita Count’.”

Ed finished, “I don’t care!  That was my Count Down!”

Tim then said, “I guess I now have to give you my Count Down!”

Frank then was frank, “You are always our Count Clown.”

 

Tim then chorused loudly:

 

               “One Two Three

                 Eins Zwei Drie

                 Un Deux Trois

                 Ah-DEEN dvah tree”

 

I tried to shut his mouth was by saying, “To me, that was Unary, Binary, and very, very Intrusive Very!”

Butt then Tim asked, “Did you say that, to you, this was all Urinary?”

Which caused me to change my accent and finish us all with, “Me, I’m Swine Dry.  I’ve Fluffy Sox.  I Act Not Sane.  Did you hear this from a ditch?  Was it a herd of ducks?  We sure are sick.  All around there are Germs Many.”

                                                 If you enjoy reading my blog                                                                                                                          You might like reading my BOOKS